I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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