I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
