i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
