Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
