she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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