I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
