I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He passed out mid-signature
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
