Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
