She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Boobs are out for the taking
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
