apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
