There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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