hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
