yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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I believe in your delicious
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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