Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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