Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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