if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
