And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
