Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
