We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
