he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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