My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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