did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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