ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize