So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
