every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
