I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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