I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
