I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
