Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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