I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
