OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
