she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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