you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
