it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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