You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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