Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
