My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
