he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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