oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
