Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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