Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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