oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
