its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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