When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
