He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
