I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
