Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
