I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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