It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
