What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
