Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
