It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
