i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
