After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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