i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The best revenge is premature balding
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
