the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need water and some morals
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