I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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