Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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