If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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