today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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