final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize