HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize