then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
