i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
