can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
