ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
